I'm there.

The place was full of people,a sea of black.They stood in groups,some made small talk.Some merely dabbed at their eyes.Adam killed himself.He slit himself.His once strong wrists were in a mangled mess.I vaguely remember yelling myself hoarse when my father walked into the room and said,"Honey..Adam's dead."Just like that.No prelude.No explanation.!8 years and 2 seconds.We come down to the same thing.Adam..who stuck his tongue out and yelled "you're a girl..boo" when we were small and played cricket.Adam..who punched me in my stomach, because i called him ugly.Adam..who fought with me because he knew i'd still be his best friend.Adam..who spoke to me at night on the phone,till i practically fell asleep.Adam my best friend for 18 goddamn years.Is dead.And all i can do is yell.
The priest is whispering something to Adam's dad.He signals to me and i walk up to him, my legs feeling like lead."Adam would have wanted you to talk."
I walk up to the altar,a churchfull of people looking up at me.their faces solemn.
i begin,my voice quaking so much that i cant understand what i am saying.i breathe and start again
"If it were upto Adam,now,id probably wearing a pair of old shorts and my nightshirt.If it were upto Adam,id probably be carrying his cricket bat.But its not upto him anymore.In the past few months,i lost my best friend.I couldnt get myself to talk to him.He scared me.He wouldnt talk.he never smiled.he'd brood all day long.I really dont know why.And the loser that i was i never asked.I gave him his space.But thats where i messed up.Because sometimes when people say "Leave me alone" they actually mean "im dying of loneliness.please come and hold my hand,because i cant face this alone." Adam was the last person who people thought would kill himself.Because when you're cricket team captain,class rep,the best looking guy around and have a wonderful set of parents, your life is perfect.Apparently not.Beneath all this Adam was just another guy,who watched FRIENDS and laughed and hoped that his best friend would call, when she'd just hung up on him.She didnt.Im sorry Ad.Im sorry,i was away fighting my own demons when you needed me to help fight yours.Especially since all my life,you have fought mine.Im sorry.It sounds cold,but really i am here for you.Its useless now.It really is. I was always there.just that i didnt make sure you knew it.What can i say?One day we'll talk it out,over a Chicken Sub and coke.And no issues,this time i'll pay for dessert.We'll talk it out."

I walked out of the church,crying too hard to talk.And if im not mistaken i felt the presence of a tall,handsome boy with a broad smile and a cricket bat.